When it Rains
by GodspeedEnding
Summary: Karkat could have avoided this. It's a good thing he didn't though.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck.

* * *

Karkat should have known today was a bad day to wear wool. If only he'd looked out the door this morning before hastily pulling on a sweater, he would have thought twice about wearing the thick fabric. He didn't even put on his favorite one; just a random sweater he found in his bottom drawer. But he didn't look, so he didn't think twice, and now he's running down the sidewalk wearing a sweater in the rain.

In retrospect, he wouldn't be thinking about all the terrible decisions he's made as of late or running through the rain in a sweater all together if he hadn't even received a call ten minutes ago. The call lasted for thirty seconds, half of that time consisted of the caller blubbering nonsensical things over the phone while demanding his best bro visit his home. The other half was Karkat telling him he'd be there and calling him a bossy douche when the call was over. To be honest though, he could have avoided all this by not even answering the phone in the first place. However, he'd rather blame someone else at the moment. When he wasn't feeling too irrational, he liked to view this as his leadership skills blurring his better judgment of an odd yet expected situation and telling him to leave his house without applying any other forms of thinking or hesitation.

He would regret that but his sense of leadership tells him to regret nothing and keep running.

"Damn Gamzee." He picks up the pace as he runs faster than before, drenching himself down to his underwear. It's uncomfortable and itchy and sticky, and _cold_. The bottom of his shoes is covered in grass and mud from cutting through a neighbor's lawn to get closer to Gamzee's house.  
When he sees the large house off in the distance, behind the veil of water, he gets ready to burst in and demand dry clothes. The lavender house stands out casually against the gray background; like this is the kind of setting it was meant to be viewed in. It looks like something out of a classic painting where all the colors blend perfectly and it looks so calm on the outside but Karkat knows it's nothing like that on the inside.  
He comes closer to the house and can see Gamzee through the large window to his living room. He's sitting on the couch upside down, his feet in the air. Karkat shakes his head, wondering how long he's been like that. He rings the doorbell. He begins to wonder if Gamzee knows he could die sitting like that for too long when he opens the door, looking a little dazed.  
"Where did all this water come from?" Gamzee leans over Karkat to see outside.

"The sky, douche, now let me in. It's wet as hell out here." He ignores how badly worded that comparison was and steps past Gamzee, whose now fixated on all the rain.

When he's in the living room and getting the carpet soaked, he turns to see Gamzee standing outside.

"Gamzee! Get in here!" Gamzee does so begrudgingly.

"Bro, you're all wet." Gamzee chuckles a little.

"No shit, I didn't know that."

Karkat begins walking up the stairs towards Gamzee's room where he plans on finding a dry shirt and sweats hopefully. Gamzee is that friend that was always inviting him to sleep over since they were kids so they're a bit like family in a really obscure way. It's easier to just say that Karkat knows Gamzee so well that he can just go into his house like it's his own and borrow clothes from his friend or find some he left lying around from the last time he visited. It pretty much goes the same way for Gamzee going over to Karkat's house, except he can't really wear any of Karkat's clothes so he makes sure to always have a few articles of clothing laying around Karkat's house for when he goes over.

Gamzee and Karkat reach the top of the stairs and then make their way down the hallway where Gamzee's room is. Karkat just walks in, the doorway posing no challenge to his height while Gamzee has to duck a little because he's been growing so much lately. It's like genetics bestowed upon him Karkat's wish. Sometimes he hates Gamzee for being so damn tall. But then he does something like banging his head against a doorway and Karkat feels better after that.

"Why exactly did you call me?" He goes straight to Gamzee's dresser, ignoring the clutter and opening up the drawer that Gamzee usually stuffs is shirts into; clean and dirty alike. His shirts are wrinkled and crumpled, seeing as Gamzee never bothers to actually put them on hangers or keep them organized beyond stuffing all his shirts, all of them- inside one drawer.

"You weren't busy."  
Karkat grimaces, a hint of irritation in his eyes. He hates that Gamzee can read him like that when he has the most trouble deducing the meaning behind some of Gamzee's most blatant and obvious of actions. Someone on a constant high like Gamzee shouldn't be able to analyze someone like Karkat like that.  
"You don't know that."

"You wouldn't up and drop something important just to come hang with me."

Karkat stops shuffling through Gamzee's drawer of shirts to stare him down, figuratively, of course.  
"Aren't you supposed to be high or something? You were out of it on the phone and now you're fuckin' analyzing my habits. What happened?" He returns to shifting through the drawers, unable to find a pleasing shirt. He wants one that's stylish, but not too stupid. Also, preferably one Gamzee hasn't smoked in and then just tossed back in the drawer. The chances of finding one that will fit all three categories are very slim.

"Nah, bro, I promised you I'd cut back!" Gamzee smiles because he's so proud of himself for keeping his promise to Karkat. Karkat just shakes his head, slightly doubting Gamzee will keep with this and eventually quit all the drugs yet he's still proud of Gamzee for being so dedicated to his own betterment.

He finally finds a shirt with an odd looking cat taco thing on it and he puts it on because it's so fucked up and it's like his life, this moment; fucked up. It's usually not weird changing in front of Gamzee, since neither of them really care or do they ever make a big deal out of it but today it's especially uncomfortable. Gamzee's sitting on his bed, not upside down, staring at Karkat. His stare is intense and unrelentingly increasing in intensity. He looks a bit tense so Karkat's quick to pull the sweater over his head and the shirt on.  
After he's been wearing it for a few seconds plus one, admiring the digitally edited face of the cat, he's instantly rethinking his reason for putting it on. It's stupid and why would he ever think it was okay or ironic in a cool way for him to wear something that roughly resembled his opinion of life and this moment in the form of a cat attached to food? Or was it food attached to a cat? He wants to rip the shirt now due to all the emotional trauma it's caused him in the past few seconds.  
But he doesn't because that would be even more ridiculous than all that he's thought in the past few seconds. He's got some sense, even though it is hardly ever reasonable or sane or realistic itself. These are the kinds of paradoxical arguments Karkat presents to himself on a daily basis; ones that lead him to arguing with himself in a few different tenses.  
Sometimes, he questions why he judges other people when he himself is probably even stranger than all of them. However, he at least has a conscious, and that makes up for all his absurdity.

Gamzee coughs.

"You sick?"

"No, was trying to get your attention. You were all doing that motherfucking creepy thing where your face gets real angry lookin'. You angry, my bro?"

"You have stupid shitty shirts. Where do you even find something like this?" Gamzee comes to finally. He laughs as if it's the funniest story of how he acquired the shirt.

Finally, he says, "Motherfuckin' connections with the thread gods."

"So the internet?"

"Yeah." Gamzee drawls out the word as he lies down on his bed, staring up at the stars he painted on his ceiling so many years ago. He relives the moment when he got paint in his eye while designing the intricate solar system and Karkat had to help him calm down and wash it out. Karkat was so collected while he watched Gamzee stumble around for something that would somehow alleviate the pain before leading him to the bathroom and forcing his head under the shower head.

"I bet you spent, like, thirty dollars for this pointless shirt that you're going to regret buying in a few years when that exact amount of money will be needed for something you want even more; like a fucking value meal for fifteen people. How are you going to feed all those people, Gamzee?"

"Miracles, bro, you gotta get with them."

Karkat opts to sit on the edge of the bed.  
"Did you call me over here just to get me caught in the rain so I'd wear one of your shirts? Is that all you wanted?"

"We're gonna go to the movies! But, yeah bro, the shirt thing was a bonus, heh."

"Are you going to drive?"

"I don't really think I should up and be operating heavy machinery."

"What makes you say that?"

Gamzee stares into Karkat's eyes for a moment until the latter understands.  
Karkat nods, huffing.

"I don't want to walk." He shifts on the bed. "At least not now anyways. My damn pants are still uncomfortably wet and soggy."

Gamzee goes right back to staring at him, not as intensely as before but enough to unnerve Karkat and leave him suspicious. He stands and wipes his pants leg, even though he knows it won't help to dry them off.

"You gonna change pants?" Karkat feels like he needs to let Gamzee know this isn't a show or some shit but he stops himself because that would make things even more awkward.

"No. They're not too bad. It was mainly the sweater."

"Suit yourself."

And so he does. He plays video games with Gamzee for thirty minutes while the front of his pants dry, yet the backside is still awkwardly damp. He uses a hair dryer he finds under Gamzee's bed to dry them. It's effective even though the heat hurts his ass. They set up an elaborate prank they plan on pulling on Gamzee's brother when he returns home. Then, they find a frozen pizza deep in the freezer, underneath some containers of ice-cream and fish sticks. When the timer on the oven dings, they realize the rain's let up enough so that they can go to the movies.

"Wanna go now?" Karkat asks Gamzee whose scarfing down his slice.

"Yep." He finishes off his food and tosses the plate into the dishwasher but neglects to turn it on and actually clean the dishes so Karkat does that for him.

"Thanks." Gamzee grabs his keys to the house off the top of the fridge and follows Karkat to his front door.

"What are we even going to watch?"

"That new movie, the one with the lasers and it has the cool soundtrack."

"Oh yeah, I know which one that is. That totally made sense." Karkat jokes but he knows which movie Gamzee's talking about. Gamzee knows that.

It's still wet outside. The amount of water on Gamzee's lawn displays his and Karkat's reflections as they walk by it. Gamzee makes a mental note to set up a nice little castle out of cans in the center later so it'll look like some magical oceanic kingdom, maybe after Karkat goes home. He isn't too into can castles, though not many people are in his defense.  
The sidewalk is like a river, especially with the way the water rushes off of it onto the neighbor's yards and onto the street. They trudge through the murky water, Gamzee splashes in the puddles and Karkat doesn't.  
They're halfway to their destination when Gamzee looks up at the sky, something Karkat failed to do this morning and before they left the house. It's blue but off in another direction, the color shifts to a dark, ominous, gray and the clouds begin to match.  
"You think it's gonna rain again?"

Karkat looks up towards the sky and sucks his teeth. He's really slipping up lately.

"Yeah. No doubt."

"Should we all head back?"

"No. We're too close to the theater for turning back. Let's just go and then later when the rain stops we can head home." Gamzee says nothing back, only heads forward to let Karkat know he agrees with him.

The walk to the movies consists of Gamzee and Karkat discussing the plot of the movie or actually, how they think the movie should go and how if it ends any other way than the one they've come up with, they will not be satisfied; Gamzee's already anticipating the various debates Karkat's going to start up after this movie but he doesn't really care about how the movies going to end or even what it'll be about. He's just so glad he gets to hang out with Karkat for a while.  
Karkat tries to actually discuss logical points related to the movie while Gamzee just goes on about what he usually goes on about.  
It's not that he didn't care about what Karkat had to say, it's just that seeing him walk down the sidewalk wearing his shirt really got to him. He couldn't explain it; it just got to him. He felt a little hot and not in a sexual way. He felt uncomfortably hot; like the air around him was too warm to handle. He felt choked up and hot and just plain awkward walking next to Karkat like this. Karkat didn't even seem to notice how uncomfortable he felt, he was too preoccupied with his one sided debate about the movie they'll be watching.

"I swear though, I'm tired of her shit. Every movie she's in, she screws it up."

Gamzee chimes in absentmindedly, "She's not that bad all the time."

"Fuck yeah she is. She's mean, oblivious, she doesn't _ever _help to actually defeat the enemy, she just stands by like a damsel in distress while the actual hero saves the day. Worst of all, she never even notices that he's saving the day and risking his life for her because he loves her and she's such a cold-hearted bitch."

* * *

The movie is not disappointing, not in Gamzee's opinion anyways. Seeing as he wasn't really expecting some amazing cinema with out of this world effects and incredible actors; he just wanted to hang with Karkat. Meanwhile, Karkat does not like it. He sat through the beginning of the movie nursing a headache caused by a minor character's wailing as they watched some other minor character die; he didn't really care. All he cared about though, was how terrible the movie is. All the actors have no clue what they're doing, they're all so oblivious as to what's going on behind their backs- by one of their own friends nonetheless, and to top it all off, the actress Karkat was waiting for to screw something up isn't even the worst one. She's possibly the best and that just ruins Karkat's day to think that she's the best one out of a cast of fifteen.  
Gamzee watches Karkat as he watches the movie; smiling to himself. Karkat's just so caught up in the acting that he's ignoring the entire actual plot of the movie, the kid in the back crying because he's so scared, the popcorn being tossed by some teenagers behind them, Gamzee's hand on top of his. It's got Gamzee smiling like an idiot because it's just nice and that hot sensation and the lump in his throat have subsided. Now he feels just a little light headed but he doesn't really mind because it's a kind of good feeling. He's kind of happy, he thinks.  
Gamzee's a bit glad Karkat missed the part where he put his hand on top of his. If he'd noticed he probably would have made him move.  
After Gamzee's completely forgotten about his hand lying on top of Karkat's and is just watching the movie instead, Karkat holds his hand back. Not in a sweet or romantic way but because he's crying now and he needs something to hold onto. The actress is finally not being a bitch and she's acknowledging the hero's feelings. And it's not even because he's dying and these are his final moments but because it was about damn time she realized it.

* * *

They're walking back to Gamzee's house now, having just exited the movie theater. While they should be in a hurry to get back, Gamzee's walking especially slowly so Karkat has to walk slowly too. The dark clouds are now over their heads and Karkat just wants to run because he doesn't feel like getting drenched again. Gamzee tells him that they'd get caught in the rain even if they ran.

"That movie sucked worse than Dave's rapping on one of his best days." Karkat says haughtily, as if the movie didn't leave him an emotional wreck in the end.

"It wasn't that bad. I saw you release the waterworks, man."

"Because I'd never seen such a horrific display of amateurs attempting to master a movie that would have been physically and emotionally compelling had they not been such complete dipshits."

"You liked it."

Karkat doesn't respond to Gamzee, he only glares at him from his side.

"You didn't even watch it. You spent half the time looking around the room. Then you watched those stupid kids throw popcorn for the other half."

Gamzee wants to question whether he noticed the hand holding but he doesn't get to.

"Dude, it's about to rain. Pick up the pace."

Gamzee nods and they walk a little faster, gradually so as the rain begins to fall harder than before. Before they're even a quarter of the way back, it's pouring and they have no choice but to find shelter. They stand under an awning for a minute to catch their breaths. The awning is small so there isn't enough space for the two of them to stand there without touching. Normally Karkat wouldn't have a problem with that, however today he's once again soaked and Gamzee is too. There's no way he's going to huddle closer to him.

"We need to find somewhere we can go inside and sit down until the rain stops." Gamzee tells Karkat whose still having a bit trouble catching his breath.

"Y—yeah. There's that—that one building down the road."

"Alright, you cool?" Gamzee holds Karkat's shoulder and Karkat uses his arm for purchase to stand up straight.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"I'm fine, Gamzee." He's still out of breath and his chest feels on fire but if they get to that building, he'll have a place to sit down and rest.

"Let's go." They run down the sidewalk to the building, trying their best to not slip and fall. Karkat does. He's running too fast for his own feet to handle and he trips himself. Before he can use his hands to absorb the blow, he's on the ground, his elbow throbbing in pain.

"Fuck!" When Gamzee notices that Karkat's down, he picks him up and hoists him over his shoulder despite Karkat telling him it's not his leg that's in pain but his arm. They reach the building and Gamzee kicks the door. It flies open, hitting the wall and sending a cloud of dust up into the air. Stepping into the old building, Gamzee sets Karkat down and then closes the door; shutting out the rain before any more can get in.

Karkat holds his aching arm to his chest. The pain has blossomed from his elbow to his entire arm. So much as moving it is taxing so he's resolved to keep it cradled to his torso until he feels like moving it. At the moment, all he wants is to sit down.  
Gamzee's already on the task, searching for chairs to sit on at the old table in the back. He finds one wooden chair and a flimsy stool with a broken leg. He sets the chair at the table and motions for Karkat to sit in it.  
He's out of breath now too from all the physical exertion he's just put himself through. He knows he didn't have to pick Karkat up, but at the time it seemed like a good idea. It'd show how cool and heroic Gamzee truly is. Albeit the show of strength and quick thinking, since he's now struggling for breath, it doesn't seem too cool anymore.

"You know, you didn't have to do that."

Gamzee does something with his mouth, like he's got something to say back but Karkat figures he needs to rest for a moment too.

"Thanks for carrying me though, I guess."

Gamzee nods.

They sit in silence save for the roaring of the wind outside the building and the water dripping from a leak in the ceiling. Gamzee's slowly calming his breath and both their hearts have ceased beating so wildly within their chests.  
All they have to do is sit and wait for the rain to stop.  
Gamzee pulls his phone out his pocket to check for when the weather will lighten up before Karkat can tell him to.

There's no service. He puts the phone back and Karkat gets the message.

"When do you think it'll let up?" Gamzee asks to bide the time instead of just sitting in an awkward silence.

Karkat grits his teeth. "Never. The rain is a merciless and unrelenting bastard."

Gamzee laughs despite Karkat being completely serious. It's always these kinds of things about Karkat that get Gamzee going; when Karkat insults or fights forces beyond his or anyone's control. It's just always so funny.

"You left your phone at your house, didn't you?" Gamzee knows he doesn't have it with him, so where he left it doesn't really matter. Again, he doesn't want to sit in the awkward silence, he just wants to talk with Karkat.

"I left it at _your_ house. I forgot about it after that entire prank thing."

"Oh yeah. Heh, I bet he's home by now. He wouldn't all come pick us up after that prank anyways so it's cool that you up and left it."

"What if he sees it and gets revenge by dropping it in the toilet or something?"

"Shit… that might be a problem, bro. Sorry."

"It's fine." He's too tired to make a big deal out of it. He's too tired to make a deal out of anything at the moment. He'd like to lay his head on the table but it's got splinters and wedges of wood sticking up so putting even his hand on it would be a stupid idea.

"You okay now?" Karkat asks Gamzee.

"Yeah. Like a motherfuckin' okay motherfucker."

"You sure look okay. You know, despite that your sopping wet and look like you're recuperating from a recent drowning attempt."

Gamzee grinned. They go on to talk about everything that could possibly happen to Karkat's phone while Gamzee's brother was alone with it after having just fallen victim to one of their pranks. The discussion included Karkat's phone being set on fire then shot through his window in the middle of the night into his bedroom while he slept. Another was Karkat would get his phone back seemingly unharmed and that suggestion worried him more than any of the most ridiculous speculations they'd come up with yet.

"So what? I just get my phone back like that? Nothing's wrong with it? What if he's tapped it or some shit? I think if I get back unharmed and unscathed, I'm just gonna smash it."

"If that's what you all want." The conversation left Gamzee feeling good. It was nice that Karkat was no longer so focused on the rain outside, that he was smiling and happy now. Well, he wasn't exactly smiling but he would crack a tiny smile every once in a while during their conversation.

And then, out of the blue, Karkat asks, "So what was with the hand holding in the movies?" The question has been eating at him since Gamzee actually held his hand; he just never got to ask.

And there it goes. The happy moment has been ruined. Gamzee's going to have to answer Karkat's question and he's probably not going to give up until he's got an answer that he'll like.

But Gamzee doesn't have an answer. At least, not one he'll like. He isn't certain why he held Karkat's hand. He has a pretty good idea as to why but he's not certain. He doesn't really want to answer Karkat but he can tell the latter's serious about getting an answer. Karkat's eyes are no longer so bright but dull, determined, and sharp. It's like he knows he's going to have to break Gamzee to get a satisfying answer and they both know he's willing to do so.

"What, bro?" Gamzee asks even though he knows what the question was.

"What was with the hand holding? At the movies. Did you think I wouldn't notice or bring it up?"

"No, bro." It's all he says.

"That still doesn't answer my question, dumbass."

Gamzee avoids Karkat's eyes. He breathes deeply to keep a level head and to remain calm. It works until Karkat says, _"Well?" -_as if he deserve an answer, which he does—at which point Gamzee wants to tell him to "Shut up and _wait"._

When the words tumble out his mouth on accident, he regrets it.

"Bro, I'm sorry."

"When was the last time you smoked?" Karkat inquires.

"I told you, _I cut back_. "

"And I asked you, _when did you last smoke?"_

Gamzee pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Why do you care?"

"Because you're fucking irritable as fuck! I asked you a simple question and you act like I've accused you of something horrible. All I want to know is why you held my hand and when was the last time you had a goddamn smoke!" It's a mouthful so when he's finally done, his face is a bit red. Whether that's out of frustration, anger, or because he's simply of breath, Gamzee isn't too sure of.

Gamzee considers lying about the last time he smoked because he knows the truth is not going to make Karkat happy. If anything, he'll become even angrier and Gamzee will be forced to deal with the latter's ire. He doesn't exactly have a choice seeing as it's either remain with Karkat or leave.

"Four weeks ago." He answers.

"_What the fuck, Gamzee?!_ Why would you go that long without a smoke? Is something up? What is it? I'm worried about you, dude. Why haven't you smoked for so long? Cutting back does not mean you give it up all together for weeks at a time. It means you just… don't do it as often as usual. Like not every day or every other day." They're both quiet for a while until Karkat speaks again. "Gamzee," He says calmly, cautiously. "What's up?"

"I quit."

The words shock Karkat once Gamzee's said them and they're registered in his head as words that have come out of Gamzee's mouth. He didn't think Gamzee would be able to simply cut back a little. To hear that he's quit… it's unbelievable. So much that Karkat _doesn't_ believe it. It can't be the case. There has to be something more, like he was rejected by someone, or he's going through some family stuff.  
Not that he quit.

"You didn't really quit."

"Yes, I did."

"Gamzee… that was one of your worse ideas. Did you not think this through? Did you just get high one day, have an epiphany, talk with one of your gods and go '_I'm gonna quit smoking completely without any other thoughts!' _That's sure what it seems like."

There was another pregnant silence, one where Gamzee wanted to yell at Karkat once again, where he wanted to tell Karkat how much of an asshole he was being, how terrible he could be when he spoke without understanding the entire story. But then again, he didn't know the entire story, so of course he was going to be a bit unfair.  
Slowly, Gamzee gathered his wits, calmed himself so he wouldn't yell and told Karkat, "Bro, I quit for you."

At this, Karkat's in disbelief, admittedly, a bit irate. "I didn't tell you to quit! I said cut back. Even you know how disagreeable you get when you haven't had a smoke for too long! What idiot would just stop all together like that anyways? It's called gradually withdrawing from the drug, dumbass!"

He feels a bit guilty for Gamzee's sudden attitude because he is after all the one he quit the drugs for. He did tell Gamzee he'd like—_like_, for him to give the drugs up and Gamzee didn't disappoint. Karkat's mind reminds him that Gamzee didn't _have_ to quit though. He chose to. He ignores the rational part of him that reminds him he's being a jerk. Then he remembers, he didn't even tell Gamzee to quit. He told him to cut back, so this isn't his fault. Not at all. It's Gamzee's for going overboard with one simple request. His rational side is screaming at him now but he's tuned it out now. All his attention is pinned on Gamzee.

Gamzee's sitting on the other side of the table, looking sickly and full of regret. Perhaps he wishes he hadn't called Karkat this morning too... Even then, he knows they would have ended up in this exact situation, one way or another.

"Why would you do that?" Karkat waits patiently for Gamzee to answer; he's going to try to approach the situation in a nicer and more effective way. But that doesn't mean he still feels like it's not his fault. It isn't.

"Because that's what you wanted."

"Yeah, that's what I wanted, but what I said was to cut back. Not quit. I wanted you to quit but that's not a good idea because _then_ shit like _this_ happens. You get angry easily. If you'd cutback like I said; you wouldn't be so angry."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too." Karkat mutters. "So what are you going to do now?"

"I already up and said I'd quit, so I'm gonna keep my promise. I'm just… I'll try to not get so angry, I guess." Karkat smiles.

"That'd be nice. You know I only said all that stuff because I'm your friend and I wanted to help, right?"

"Yeah."

"But I'm sorry too."

"I know."

Karkat knows he shouldn't bring it up again, that he shouldn't start another argument just because he wants an answer. But his better judgment is clouded by his longing for an answer to more than just why Gamzee was holding his hand. To everything.

"Why," Karkat closes his eyes, swallows his inhibitions and apprehension. "Why did you hold my hand?"

Gamzee feels like leaving. He wants to get up and just leave. No flipping the table over, or breaking the stool even more, or kicking the door open. He just wants to leave. Doing anything other than that would tell Karkat exactly why he held his hand and he doesn't want that. He doesn't want Karkat to know why.

"I just wanted to." Is the answer Gamzee settles on; hoping that Karkat will just accept it.

He doesn't.

"No, you don't just hold someone's hand for no reason. Gamzee, tell me!"

The tension in the air tears through them until they break down and begin yelling at each other again, as if they'd never even apologized just a moment ago. As if those apologies meant nothing. They argue about everything and anything; they support their sides of the arguments with things that have nothing to do with their situation; things that don't even make sense. Gamzee just wants to keep Karkat off the subject. He doesn't want to answer Karkat yet. Karkat's too blinded by his anger to realize how little sense his argument actually makes.  
And finally, Karkat has had enough. He's tired of Gamzee evading answering him. He's tired of not knowing. He wants an answer and he wants it _now._

"_Why were you holding my hand?"_ He shouldn't be so persistent. He shouldn't be demanding an answer he already knows. He shouldn't want an answer so badly. He shouldn't be hoping for it.  
But he can't help but hope it's the answer he wants. Because who wouldn't?

Gamzee has to keep himself from exploding. It takes a lot of restraint to keep from yelling the answer in Karkat's face. But it's so obvious, he shouldn't even need to ask in the first place.  
Nonetheless, Gamzee answers him.

"_Motherfucker, I like you_." Gamzee says it so haughtily, his arms crossed so defiantly, that Karkat wants to laugh. He wanted that. He wanted to hear that. But he always thought the chances of that being Gamzee's actual reason behind holding his hand and so many other actions were less than slim. He can't believe it. He wants to laugh because this is all so unbelievable; so crazy. He laughs.  
But the more he laughs, the more intense Gamzee's glare becomes to the point where it's not funny. It's serious now.

Suddenly, the room is stuffy- even more so now; Karkat's shirt collar rubs his skin harshly so he tugs on it. He remembers he's wearing one of Gamzee's shirts and that makes the feeling even worse. The pain his arm is in intensifies to the point where ignoring it is unbearable. The rain outside is too loud. Not loud enough though to drown out the boisterous beat of his heart exerting itself in his chest, as if to escape his rib cage.  
Everything is loud. Gamzee's words that won't stop replaying in his mind; the ones he was so sure he wanted to hear. They're too much to handle.

He isn't sure why, but he stands up from the table quickly, perhaps too quickly because Gamzee looks alarmed and he stands up too, his chair falling down. It hits the ground with a loud crash that only adds to Karkat's slowly forming headache.

"Karkat, wait'" He's careful with his words, choosing to say wait over 'sit the fuck down, motherfucker, I want to tell you I love you.'


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck.

* * *

"Karkat, wait, bro, sit down, or- or stop fucking out. I just need to let you know something."

"Go ahead. I have nowhere to go." Karkat's shaking a little as he gets his bearings straight. He can't believe life is working out for once for him.

Things like this don't usually happen. Life doesn't just work out for him like this all the time.

"Alright, well..." Gamzee begins explaining to Karkat how he's liked him for some time and how he just wasn't sure whether it was a brotherly feeling or something more. But now he's sure it's something more. It's why he can't seem to ever act normal around Karkat. It's true that his standard for normal isn't exactly normal itself but when he's around Karkat, he's just... happier like he gets when he smokes but he hasn't been smoking. He can't explain it fully and in depth and he tells Karkat that during his entire confession.

Karkat listens or tries to at least. Between the shock he's still in due to recent events and the pain his arm and head are going through, he's having a hard time paying attention fully on Gamzee. But while he does, he notes that Gamzee's having a bit of trouble himself.

He's stumbling over his words like he's just learned them. Karkat can tell what he's trying to say based on the words he does get out clearly yet he's still butchering this confession so much that Karkat wants to stop him and tell him, 'Yeah, I like you too, you douche'.

The laughter starts back up.  
Karkat covers his mouth with his hand and looks away.  
He's trying not to laugh and his control is withering with every word Gamzee butchers. Is it really that hard to say 'I like you; wanna date?" He doesn't know why he can't seem to stop laughing. He briefly entertains the thought of 'secondhand high' being the cause it but rejects it. Gamzee isn't high and that makes this situation even harder to deal with. Knowing that Gamzee means every single word he's saying makes it harder for Karkat to approach and evaluate the situation. It makes it harder for him to treat Gamzee like he does when he's inebriated.  
He decides that he's laughing because this is all so unbelievable. This is all too surreal. Even more so is it unusual.

This can't be an actual confession.

He did want a confession, but this is not the one he was expecting. It's so odd and choppy and a bit bizarre.  
Gamzee senses something is wrong with Karkat but doesn't pause because this is important and he's been waiting to say it forever.  
But eventually his confession winds down; ending on a note Karkat didn't catch. When he's finally done talking and Karkat's trying to pull himself together, he feels something akin to hurt and disbelief. Karkat doesn't laugh when someone tells him a joke. He laughs when something bad happens to his life because the irony gets to him so much. Is this one of those things?

And then Gamzee's had it with watching Karkat laugh his ass off then proceed to calm down like this is nothing and not listen to anything Gamzee said.  
"What's so funny? Motherfucker?" He sounds feral now. The look he's giving Karkat supports his tone and Karkat decides to finally calm down seriously this time. Not that he's scared or anything. He's respectful.

But so why can't he seem to even out his voice as he responds to Gamzee?

Is he out of breath from laughter?

Maybe.

"Well?" Gamzee presses, urgent.

"You're pretty fucking funny, f-for one."

Gamzee just stares him down, confused by his stuttering too. It's odd for Karkat to seem this flustered but it can't be because of his confession. Karkat's always been too sure of himself and too prepared for almost anything to be this bothered. He's probably coming down with something.  
He's coughing now, not because he's sick with what's been going around, but because he's choked up on words caught in his throat.  
This is really difficult after all.

It takes a moment for him to question it but then something in the back of his head does; after he's caught his breath but he's still shaken up.

_Is_ he scared?

There's no way. This is Karkat with his best friend, Gamzee, there's nothing to be scared of. Gamzee may seem frightening at the moment but that's just a guise to cover how scared and nervous he is.

Because, honestly, it's torture waiting for Karkat to properly say to him, clearly, 'I like you too, Gamzee. I always have."  
But he's yet to do anything besides awkwardly clear his throat to no avail.

It's stuffy in Karkat's personal space. He feels hot and uncomfortable and anything else that describes how utterly inane this all is.  
He and Gamzee are standing in an abandoned building on a depressingly rainy day, surrounded by the decaying carcasses of once cute animals while dust piled up on the bodies in amounts that would kill someone with a dust allergy. They're confessing their feelings in the most deranged of ways and now they kind of wish they'd just kept it all to themselves.

This would all be so much less of a problem if he hadn't called, Karkat thinks. He knows it's his fault for even answering but blaming this on someone else, the person who actually did begin everything is so much easier. It's better to blame the person who's so much braver than he is; the person who was willing and brave enough to face him, the guy who bashes your entire existence if you critique his computing skills.

The time it takes for Karkat to realize why he's still uncomfortable is directly proportional to how long it takes him to figure out what this entire situation is going to lead to.

In most stories he's read they would end up together forever and happy. In most movies he's seen, they would end up marrying each other in Hawaii or in Vegas. In most fan fictions he's been forced to suffer through, they'd end up making out in this dusty old building.  
While he didn't want any of those things at the moment because this place is disgusting as fuck and because a trip to Vegas would be too much work, he was willing to compensate and consent to dating him.  
That is if Gamzee decides he doesn't hate him after that entire laughing fit and ask him out.

But no one's ever done this before; no one has ever been so brutal, so raw, so honest about their feelings for him so he doesn't know how to respond to him so it's okay that he hasn't responded yet, right? Besides, it shows he's giving this all some thought; that he's not going to jump into something he hasn't thought about. Either way, this is all too sudden for Gamzee to expect a straight answer to right away. There was no gradual flirting that especially stood out to Karkat; it all just sort of happened. Gamzee flirts with almost everyone anyways. How was he supposed to be sure Gamzee only meant it towards him?

He finds his excuse a little hard to swallow. Even he doesn't buy it. But he can't seem to gather why Gamzee's confession is leaving him speechless.

Anyone else would have had this planned out to a T and that bothers him. Where's the spontaneity of it all? The gut wrenching and heart string pulling emotion that has them angrily yelling the cliché line, "I love you!" at each other? Maybe that's why he's having such a hard time dealing with this all. Because Gamzee is too spontaneous.  
But he could have organized his thoughts a little better, Karkat thinks.

It's both odd and awkward but also so serious now. They're both nervous and can't make eye contact. Karkat is shuffling his feet as if to get them to move away from this situation but he's not really getting anywhere; he's just dancing in his spot. Gamzee's not making the silence any better either. His enormous height gives him the ability to tower over Karkat, which he does in one of the creepiest ways possible. He's staring Karkat down, with an expression of mild desperation masked with nonchalance. As if the fact that Karkat hasn't answered him yet isn't bothering him when really it's eating at him. He can feel his heart deteriorating with every second that ticks by.

Gamzee stares his friend down, anxiously waiting for his response to his previous monologue.

He wants to say something to Karkat. He wants to tell him to say something or anything. He just needs to know that Karkat isn't disgusted or horrified by this.

That's the last thing he wants. Who _would_ want that?

Finally, Karkat speaks up.  
"Gamzee... why the fuck are you doing this? Why are you making this so complicated with a confession that you didn't even need to make? It's not like I couldn't tell you might have liked me."

"You already knew?"

Karkat's baffled by this. Of course he knew. He just never let on that he did or show Gamzee he reciprocated. But since they're confessing, he might as well tell Gamzee.  
"Motherfucker, _please_. It's not like your constant flirting just up and gave it away. I really had to decipher the meaning behind, 'I fuckin' love you, a whole lot.' I really had to sit and think of all the alternate meanings."

"That could have been because I was so up and high." Gamzee smiles a bit and Karkat does so too in return out of habit.

"Yeah, well, when you say it every time you get high, coupled with how you act when not, it wasn't that hard to figure out that you liked me."

"I guess, yeah." He smiles fondly now. Karkat doesn't seem disgusted or horrified or some other terrible thing and that's good.  
He still hasn't really replied to the big issue at hand however, and Gamzee's not about to let it go.

"So..." He pauses to give Karkat a moment to realize he's going to start with some questions in a minute and to let himself organize his thoughts.

He can't think of any other way to continue this topic.  
"Um, uh..."

Finally, Karkat's tired of watching Gamzee struggle to ask him one simple question.

"Gamzee, just ask me like a normal fucking person, would you? I'm not going to turn you down and you should know that." Gamzee drops his hand to his side.

He purses his lips, reluctant to ask like a normal person. What if Karkat's screwing with him?  
But he wants them to be together more than anything. He's not about to give this chance up.  
"Will you go out with me then? Motherfucker?" He tries to make it as romantic sounding as possible but the 'motherfucker' comes out due to habit.  
But he's glad that this time, what he said was straight and to the point and it came from the heart.  
Short and sweet, kinda like Karkat, Gamzee thinks. Excluding the parts that aren't too sweet about him.

Karkat opens his mouth, ready to answer Gamzee but just doesn't.  
He knows he wants them to be together but then there's always the matter of their friendship like what if they're ruining it by doing this? Karkat doesn't say anything. He doesn't provide any sort of hint that he will say anything; he just stares at the hem of the shirt in his hand that he's been tugging on.

"Karkat." Gamzee says suddenly, the fright evident in his voice and not masked on his features either.  
He stares at Karkat for a while, trying to figure out what the hell is going on with him lately, why he's been so flustered and so out of it at the most crucial points in time.

Karkat finally makes a decision. He's made up his mind and he's ready to let Gamzee know that when he notices how Gamzee's staring him down; it's absolutely creepy but it only fuels Karkat's drive to answer him. He's just as nervous about this as Karkat is, it seems. But he's also just as ready as Karkat is. And so Karkat abandoned any fears he had that they wouldn't work out and their friendship would suffer in the end.

Gamzee's still staring, eyes wide and impatient.

"If I say yes will you _stop_?"

Karkat asks the question jokingly but Gamzee is still confused.

"Stop what?"

"Staring at me like that." Karkat laughs lightly and breathily, tranquilly. His hands move of their own accordance to grab Gamzee's sleeve to pull him closer.

He doesn't stop pulling at Gamzee even though his mind's going '_What the fuck, Karkat? Stop_.'  
He just pulls and pulls and Gamzee lets him because while he's confused, he'll take anything from Karkat.  
"I wasn't trying to up and motherfucking make you uncomfortable, bro. I was just waiting for you to answer because you took so motherfucking long." He mutters the last part, as if he's got a reason to be angry with Karkat too. After all they've gone through, he might. But if he does, he doesn't care too much about it. Everything is working out nicely at the moment.

"I was joking, doofus."

"Oh."

Karkat's arms decide to get in on the action and turn the pulling into a hug.  
It's weird having Gamzee in a hug started by him, but Karkat likes it because it's different than their usual hugs. This one makes the pitter patter of the rain outside quieter.  
His heart is beating like a drum but he feels like it's stopped altogether. Everything is so slow and the air is cold and frigid now as he clings to Gamzee, thinking 'This is nice. This will be nice'.  
He notices Gamzee's hugging him back, tightly. His arms are wrapped around Karkat comfortably, his chin resting on Karkat's head and it feels right.  
Karkat knows Gamzee's back must be hurting from hunching over like that to hug him but he doesn't offer any solutions because they aren't that sappy couple now just because they both like each other. They're still those two best friends that love to get under each other's skin but now they're also that couple that loves being best friends at the same time.  
So, really, nothing much changed.  
Except Karkat's arm does still hurt and that's a different story than Gamzee's hunched back so it's okay for him to complain.  
They shift around a lot before they find a nice hugging position. Gamzee's not so hunched over now since Karkat's standing on his tiptoes to keep his arm properly elevated on Gamzee's back. Gamzee uses Karkat's head as a rest and leans his weight on the latter. It's an awkward looking embrace but no one's around to see so it's okay.

Gamzee for a minute contemplates telling Karkat he loves him out loud but decides against it. Saying 'I love you' in this situation would have only complicated things further and made things awkward again, so he didn't.  
He hugged Karkat back and bit his tongue.

Gamzee coughs and let's go of Karkat as his body racks with coughs and choking.  
"Now you're really sick." Karkat mutters as he pulls away from Gamzee.

"Yeah. And your arm is still hurting, right?"

"Like a bitch, yes."

"Hm…let's walk in the rain." Gamzee says to Karkat. It surprises Karkat at first but he complies, another surprising feat.  
They find themselves walking in the rain all the way back to Gamzee's house where they proceed to change and bundle themselves up with all the covers they can get their hands on. Karkat nurses his arm with a bag of ice, playing spot the difference with his phone while Gamzee fights his cold off with a bowl of soup.  
They watch another movie, but with a new actress, one who's much more pleasing to Karkat than the last. This time, Gamzee holds his hand openly and Karkat holds back.

And not even because the movie makes him sad or he's scared but because it was damn time he did.


End file.
